Little Orphan

So Thursday are all about bygone days and special memories I guess nowadays. I had to try hella hard to come up with my very first truly cognitive memory as a human being. Can’t get anymore throw back than that, right? Granted I have no way of knowing if it’s real or not cause none of the people that would know are around anymore. I’m an orphan by choice.

I can remember the day I was dropped off on my paternal grandparent’s doorstep sometime around the age of 3, by someone I imagine was not a relative. There used to be a picture of me wearing a too short dress, with my underpants showing. My hair was in a bedraggled ponytail. I had on socks & shoes surprisingly. I was holding a crochet-knit doll with a plastic face. I looked like Molly from “Annie” in my mind’s eye.

I know I was 3 then because my grandmother later told me when I asked about the picture. What I don’t know is why that is the my first memory. I have HUGE gaps in my memory of my childhood due to what I believe is the body’s way of protecting us. I apparently had that ability due to being terrorized, abused and traumatized over the course of about 10 years of my childhood.

So back to the memory. I was dropped off to my grandparents as a ward of the state due to my parents being complete and utter dipshits. Both were off doing time with the state and county jail systems. My father got 2 yrs in the pen, mother got six months with the county. Judge went easier on her cause my grandparents begged for leniency. My father, their son, was such a lost cause to them, they didn’t figure hard time could hurt him nearly as much.

I know now that they didn’t want to raise a little girl they didn’t know, regardless that I was kin, and they were the only ones stable enough to provide a decent home. But thankfully in that brief 6 months period I wasn’t put into the foster system. I was eventually reunited with my mother and then the real problems began.