Happy Halloween…I guess

Trick or treating…no thanks. I don’t get Halloween. Never have. It’s a bizarre tradition that I find the strictest of heathens enjoy way too much. I’m not going to spend good money dressing up as someone else. I’m not going to spend $$$$ on candy I can’t enjoy eating cause I gave it all away. What I’m doing tonight is hiding out with the lights off. Not that this won’t deter even the most brain dead of children. It’s obvious mommy and daddy forgot the basic Halloween rule. “Don’t knock on doors if there aren’t lights on”.

When did that golden rule get swept under the rug?

The only time I made that mistake as a kid, a group of me & neighborhood assholes knocked on a darkened door. An old guy opened the door naked with a clown mask on. I’m pretty sure we left a skid marks on his porch and our shorts.

He probably lost what was left of his hearing. We didn’t report him either. We were more worried about getting more loot. I lost my enthusiasm that year for the holiday and never got it back. It definitely cemented my fear of clowns for life.

Too bad we can’t do that nowadays, lest we get arrested for exposure, or worse. But it’d serve the older kids right who have no business banging on doors after dark for candy. Talk about assholes. You don’t give them candy, they’ll come back later and trash your house.

So yee-haw everyone that still enjoys this over commercialized, useless, sad excuse for binge drinking & debauchery night. I think I’ll watch Harry Potter instead and enjoy a well deserved Friday night to myself.

p.s. Yes, I’m grumpy.

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