Perfect Saturday

For the last few weeks I’ve been manic. Unable to sleep properly. So keyed up I want to crawl out of my skin. My eating habits have been shittier than usual, which is saying something because they’re beyond shit most of the time as it is.

I can’t exercise because of health issues. I’m unhappy with work, money woes, living situation, and then the malaise. I live in a constant state of depression. Even with meds, it’s there. I know how to deal.

I was given a reprieve yesterday. I was able to leave work early, come home, relax and NAP! Recharge my battery. It was made all the better knowing I didn’t have to go in to work today for 2 boring hours. There was a cold front that came in overnight dropping the temperature by almost 30 degrees for the high today. I have been able to turn off all the fans and have blissful silence for the first time since early June. I went to bed at 9:30 last night and actually slept. Ah, sleeping, you are my favorite thing in the world at the moment.

I’ve taken 3 naps today. I don’t feel the least bit guilty. I need this. I can’t keep going the way I have without having a severe breakdown. I’ve done that before. It triggers so many destructive tendencies that I have, those demons want to to come out and play. I’ve got to wrestle those bad boys into submission. I’m trying to push them all back into their respective holes before I actually do something stupid.

I consider this a perfect Saturday. Rest, relaxation, cold temps, no worrying, just taking it easy and be… be peaceful.

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