the day the earth stood still….part 1

Once upon a time I had a mother. You know that person who gave birth to you? Shouldn’t she have been that person who devoted themselves whole-heartedly to caring and nurturing you? Well, she is and will always be the person who birthed me. But she was never a proper mother. I’ve decided to start at the end of that relationship. I literally ran away from home one day, forever when I was 15. Every horrible thing that happened due to her willful negligence and abuse over the years culminated into a surreal nightmare one night.

To preface this story you should know that I had lived primarily with my mother and her boyfriend turned husband starting at the roughly the age of 5. The monster(bf & husband) that my mother allowed into our lives had sexually, physically, and mentally assaulted me from the very beginning. I was never brave enough or strong enough to stop the abuse until I ran away.

Sadly I never had the guts to say or do anything legally to him to stop from continuing the horrors he was also perpetrating against his own children. I can only say that I assume someone did something because I know he has a conviction against him for child molestation and is on the national registry.

My step-father was a very sick-minded individual. If he ever understood what he was doing was wrong or if he’s ever felt any remorse for ruining my childhood or that of his other children from his first marriage who knows.

I can’t remember with too much clarity the details of the night when I was 15 that began my journey into liberation from my living nightmare. Bit and pieces from afterwards that were told to me and what little I do remember started with a car ride, alone, with my step-father. I know he attempted to sexually assault me and that he never managed to completely rape me that night. When we got home, much later that was acceptable, my mother realized something was terribly wrong. She forced me into the bathroom to scream and rant at me. I refused to tell her all the details of where we had been and what we had been doing. She forced me to present myself to her for a full body inspection. From that point on it’s very sketchy.

It did escalate into unimaginable violence very quickly. There was screaming, cursing, punching, kicking, pain and then police and emergency personnel.

My mother was taken to the hospital, my stepfather to jail, my stepbrother was sent to a children’s mental hospital and my step-sister and myself were sent to her paternal grandparents house.

This entire ordeal was never reported to my father or my father’s parents who could have taken control that night and saved me from further abuse. It’s because of the fear I lived with. The absolute horrific shame and guilt I felt could not be overcome at that point. It had gone on too long and I didn’t deserve to burden anyone else. I feared the retribution would be a million fold worse than what I was already suffering through. Back when I was about 10 years old, the realization came to me that I had to sacrifice myself in order to save others(my father & grandparents) from having to live with the horrors that had befallen on me because I knew I was too weak to make it stop.

part 2 to follow

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